The Unmotivated Child:
Helping Your Underachiever Become a Successful Student

Dr. Natalie Rathvon, PhD

What was the question that resulted in The Unmotivated Child?

“Why do so many bright, capable children do poorly in school?”

This is the question I heard most often from parents and teachers in my work - first as a teacher, then as a school counselor, and again as a clinical psychologist. Like many other practitioners, I tried the usual strategies that are supposed to help underachievers - study skills instruction, test-taking skills training, homework helper clubs, test anxiety reduction training, group counseling, and so on - and ended up just as frustrated and discouraged as the students I was trying to help.

The mystery
Like the parents and teachers of unmotivated students, I was baffled by the mystery of underachievement. Why did these bright students behave in such ineffective ways that they sabotaged their own chances for academic success? In my efforts to discover the answer to that mystery, I asked them the same questions their parents and teachers were asking them:

• “Why didn’t you do your homework?”
• “Why don’t you write your assignments down so you can remember them when you get home?”
• “Why did you put off your project until the last minute?”

...and on and on and on. (See pages 139-141 for why not to ask “why” and what to ask instead.)

Learning to listen
After several years of trying these strategies with little success, I finally stopped talking and began listening to what the students themselves were telling me about their view of school, achievement, and themselves. I also began conducting research in parent-child attachment and exploring how attachment theory, especially as developed by John Bowlby, could help explain the mystery of – and provide the solution for - underachievement.

I also began sharing what I was learning in my research and my school and clinical practice in a series of workshops with parents and teachers - really, conversations - that continued for nearly ten years. And what I learned is that the key to the mystery of underachievement does not lie in the student’s surface behavior - that is, the student’s failure to perform - it lies in the internal set of beliefs guiding the unmotivated child’s attitudes and actions. And if we as parents and teachers and mental health professionals fail to find that key, we have no chance of unlocking the mystery and providing meaningful help to “unmotivated” children and adolescents. Freud said it well nearly 100 years ago:

“...a thing which has not been understood inevitably reappears; like an unlaid ghost, it cannot rest until the mystery has been solved and the spell broken.”
Sigmund Freud, 1909

What’s in The Unmotivated Child?

• The warning signs of underachievement at the elementary, middle, and high school levels
• The core beliefs behind the underachiever’s self-destructive actions and attitudes
• Ways of distinguishing lack of motivation from other learning or behavior problems
• The problem with the solution – why the usual solutions to the problem fail
• Seven strategies for overcoming the “homework trap”
• Eight strategies for working with teachers to encourage a new approach to learning and school behavior
• How to “speak Martian” – five methods for communicating effectively with an underachiever
• Guidelines for supporting the underachiever through the change process, including how to deal with setbacks
• Numerous case examples from my own practice that help to illustrate the problem – and the solution.

What kinds of questions and comments about The Unmotivated Child do you receive most often?

What callers say
Since the book appeared, I have received hundreds of calls from across the country from parents and teachers (as well as a sizeable number of unmotivated students!) for whom the book seems to have struck a chord. (The mystery of motivation seems to be cross-cultural – The Unmotivated Child has recently been translated into Mandarin Chinese.)

The most frequent comment from parents goes something like this:

“You must have met my child! That part on page 43 (page 101, 148, 170, etc.) sounds just like Michael (Dominique, Sarah, Timothy, LaShawn, etc.)!”

In addition to recognizing their children in the pages of the book, parents also recognize themselves, especially in the vignettes depicting ineffective parent-child communication. Parents often comment:

“That’s me, right there on page 55 (page 127, 187, 192, etc.). That’s exactly what I’ve been saying to him/her and it hasn’t done a bit of good!”

Teachers comment most frequently about Chapter 8 (“Teaming with Teachers”) and say how much they appreciate the book’s collaborative approach to problem solving. They often add that they, like parents, feel trapped in a negative cycle with these challenging students. (See Chapters 6 and 8 for practical approaches to solving classroom problems.) Do you have a student who is misbehaving as well as unproductive? See Chapter 9 (“Dealing with School Misbehavior”).

What callers ask
Parents and teachers also often ask, “What professionals in my area use this kind of approach in working with unmotivated students?” Because every professional takes his or her own unique approach to helping, even among those who are familiar with attachment theory, I recommend that parents seeking therapy for their children visit several practitioners before making a decision. School counselors, school psychologists, pediatricians, and state psychological associations are good sources for referrals. I continue to provide staff development and consultation services to schools and organizations but no longer provide private consultation or therapeutic services to children or families outside of school and agency settings. (See pages 221-226 for more on when and how to find help.)

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© 2008 Dr. Natalie Rathvon. All Rights Reserved.